Despair in the night, depression takes hold
Regrets and wishing for feelings long gone.
My head keeps thumping, it's cause is unknown
It's random tendency makes it hard to push on.

Days go on by, still I do think
whether or not you miss my once warm heart.
Another pulse of pain, my temples seem elastic
release the pressure, I don't deserve this part.

thoughts and memories,
they cloud my mind,
calling out my name,
trying to remind
me of what once was,
but I try to stay strong.
I lose my grip sometimes,
this phase will subside with time, but never go away.

Most memories blur, fade as time goes by.
Mine only get stronger and idealize what was.
Neurons keep firing, chemicals keep pumping,
but right now, only pain is what my brain does.

Feeling left out, secluded in my own world
I find a piece of stoic neutrality.
Not long after, my brain reminds me again
that at this time, there is no cordiality.

I sit up, late at night I pry
into the past that calls me there
Into the world of ultimate lies
A world where you were never fair

Memories flow and shatter like glass
My mind is racing, my heart speeds up
It's speeds increase and gets too fast
My blood feels thick as the viscosity of syrup

My lungs quicken pace as I struggle to breath
The thoughts of what were are too much to bear
Your lies you molded, spun into a tight weave
Not showing humanity, not a single given care

I find old pages, thoughts of you rush in
The pain and torture comes back full force
I'll never be who I once was again
Because of you, I've begun a different set course

A course where I am desensitized to all
A life alone and without any trust
A world where my emotion is doomed to fall
A universe of questionable lust

This pain is greater than any I've lived through
Night after night, I fight the want to cry
As hard as I fight to work towards the new
I still fight the urge to want to give up, to die.